Parents who raise mentally strong kids always use these 10 'simple but powerful' phrases: Psychotherapist
Regardless of how smart or talented your child is, they won't be able to reach their full potential without having the mental toughness needed to stay focused and resilient.
It's not about convincing them to become more resilient by just "toughening up." Instead, it's about giving them the tools to face challenges head-on, learn to handle their emotions, and fuel their confidence.
Incorporating these 10 statements and questions into daily life creates an environment where children feel secure to learn, learn from failures, and develop.
What you say really makes a difference, and sometimes it's the little words that can lead to significant changes.
What advice would you give to a friend in a similar situation?
When people say things like, "I'll never pass math," it's a strong urge to reassure them. However, doing so makes them learn to rely on us to reframe their negative thoughts instead.
You can teach them to change their own perspective by encouraging them to think about how they would comfort a friend in a kind manner, which helps them develop self-compassion and learn to talk to themselves kindly.
Of course, you have that perspective, and it's understandable why you would think that way.
Validating your child's emotions is incredibly impactful. By acknowledging and relating to how they feel, you help them feel heard and understood. This empowers them to be more confident in their emotions, without worrying about being judged or criticized. Validation also establishes a deeper trust, allowing your child to feel more comfortable opening up to you about their challenges.
Telling kids this helps them see that their feelings are legitimate, even if they might be a bit more intense than what's rational.
It's acceptable to experience emotional upset, but acting out of character is not desirable.
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It provides them with a valuable realization that having emotions such as anger or sadness is a natural part of life; however, it's not acceptable to let these feelings negatively impact or harm others. This can be a superb chance to instruct them on alternative methods for managing their emotions, including techniques like deep breathing or openly discussing their feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
Teaching individuals to manage the way they express emotions is crucial for navigating life's inevitable highs and lows effectively.
Shall we tackle this as a team?
It's vital for children to develop problem-solving abilities.
When you offer to help work on a problem together, you give them reassurance that they don't have to face challenges by themselves while also showing them a useful way forward.
Watching others tackle the same problem in different ways can also give them confidence in their decision-making abilities.
I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling proud of all the effort you've put into your work so far.
If you only praise them for good grades, such as getting high marks on their report card, they may think that their grades and accomplishments are more important than values like honesty or integrity.
When faced with obstacles, challenges or failures.
What makes you feel like you're taking a risk, in a good way, when you attempt something?
This redefinition of failure positions it as a beacon of courage.
Discussing failures openly can inspire children to be more adventurous, go beyond what's familiar, and develop confidence through the process, even if they don't succeed.
What can we glean from this situation?
When things don't go as planned, it's natural for kids to get bogged down by what's gone wrong. This saying helps steer the focus towards developing and improving from the experience instead.
This approach teaches them to view obstacles as chances to advance and cultivate a mindset of curiosity rather than destructive self-judgment.
Must you think you're in a battle to get through this issue, or look at how you feel about it to find a way forward?
This question highlights the difference between facing external difficulties and the emotional responses that come from within. Consider a situation where your child is worried about a challenging math problem, leading them to wish to skip the worksheet. By permitting them to avoid the task, anxiety may be temporarily relieved, but it may ultimately result in more substantial issues down the road.
It's more beneficial to acknowledge and address the nervousness that comes with potentially getting something wrong, and to learn how to manage those feelings, rather than trying to evade the problem altogether.
Learning to distinguish between problems caused by their situation and those caused by their emotions empowers children to take charge of their reactions and recognize when a change in mindset or their environment is needed.
What might be an exception to this concept?
Young people often have all-or-nothing thoughts, saying things like "I'm not smart" or "Nobody likes me." This question helps them gain a different perspective by finding examples that contradict these negative ideas.
Your child will learn to understand that those false or negative thoughts aren't always accurate, allowing them to develop a more balanced and grounded perspective about themselves and their surroundings.
10. "Let's focus on the things we appreciate and feel thankful for right now."
By making it a regular part of their routine, you help kids develop a habit of focusing on the good things in their lives, even when faced with challenges.
Teaching kids gratitude shows them that what they have is sufficient. It also helps them build strength to deal with life's ups and downs and enables them to appreciate the positive aspects of their world.
Amy Morin
She is a licensed therapist, clinical social worker, and educator at Northeastern University. She is the published author of multiple books, including:
13 Ways Kids Excel: Aspiring Big, Feeling Confident, Acting Courageous
and "
Here is the paraphrased text in United States English:
13 Habits of Mentally Strong Parents
As parents, we often try to instill strength of character in our children, but sometimes we forget that we need to model that strength ourselves. What we do and say can either encourage or discourage our kids from being mentally strong. Here are 13 habits of mentally strong parents to avoid:
1. Giving Up Easily. Demonstrating persistence in the face of challenges will help your children develop these traits too.
2. Allowing Others to Define Your Child. Seeking your child's self-defined efforts will help them build character and a sense of self-worth.
3. Fostering a Victim Mentality. Share in your child's successes and failures with them, helping to show them that they are not defined by these events.
4. Minimizing Effort or Expecting Immediate Results. Strive for persistence and spread learning over longer periods of time, allowing for growth.
5. Being Overly Sensitive. Show your child how to laugh at themselves and handle failure with humor and perspective.
6. Not Practicing Gratitude. Expressing thanks and appreciation can spread positivity in your child and maintain a healthy mental state.
7. Comparing Children to Others. Emphasize accomplishments based on their efforts, not how others have performed.
8. Controlling Outcomes or Enforcing Perfection. Encourage your child to pursue achievable goals and engage in activities they love.
9. Being Absent in Parenting. Prioritize quality time with your child to develop trust and strengthen emotional bonds.
10. Neglecting Self-Care. Focus on your own well-being, just as you would your child's, leading to more empathetic parenting.
11. Respecting Cowards. Teach your child how to deal with bullies and fight not to be pushed around.
12. Indulging in Guilt or Shame. Foster a healthy way to deal with worry, guilt, or shame – develop a mindset that everyone makes errors.
13. Imposing Own Fears or Anxieties on Children. Let your child grow with their own fears and anxieties, helping shape them into easy-to-overcome challenges.
." Her TEDx talk
Unveiling the Key to Inner Resilience
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