How to stop intrusive thoughts once and for all, according to psychologists

None of us can avoid intrusive thoughts, unwanted and often unpleasant ideas that pop into our heads uninvited, like seeing yourself driving across a bridge just as it's falling apart or feeling like you'll take a detonated cake.

Occasional thoughts can pop into your mind that are unwanted and totally unexpected. They can even stop you in your tracks because they're something you wouldn't normally think, or even consider doing. Although these thoughts are inherently unwelcome, with some practice, it is possible to learn to stop them.

What are intrusive thoughts?

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"Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of Ascension Behavioral Health, notes that intrusive thoughts are often considered memories, images, or forward-thinking abstracts that can trigger emotional distress due to their distracting and disruptive nature."

According to Dr. Berry, a psychologist and founder of Four Rivers Psychological Services, the most worrisome obsessive thoughts are those that continue to repeat in a person's mind, making it hard for them to focus on anything else.

According to Berry, there's a key distinction between intrusive thoughts and ideas that come up when you're thinking deeply about something. She notes that a thought is more likely to be considered intrusive if it's something you can stop yourself from thinking, and you know wouldn't lead to a good outcome, such as taking an ice cream cone away from someone.

You might feel ashamed or guilty about your recurring thoughts, but remember, "thoughts are just thoughts," Dr. Berry points out. It's worrying only when those thoughts lead you to feel an urge to act on them.

Why do they happen?

They're usually unexpected, but these unwanted thoughts can also be triggered by certain factors, Berry explains.

“Unwanted thoughts can stem from everyday worries, often linked to self-doubt, feeling like a fake in one's professional life, or recent conflicts with a friend,” says Abrams. Worry and sleep deprivation are common causes of visualized thoughts you wished would disappear.

"However, they can also be an indicator of an anxiety disorder, depression, or a symptom often associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder or an eating disorder," Abrams notes.

Who has intrusive thoughts?

Everybody has intrusive thoughts at some point, but some people struggle to get rid of them more than others, notes Berry. Individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, trauma, or depression are typically more prone to these unwanted thoughts and find it harder to shake them off. As a result, these thoughts can hinder their ability to carry out everyday tasks, Berry points out.

Are all unwelcome thought intrusions inherently unhealthy?

It's not always a concern, though. Some intrusive thoughts can be relatively harmless, such as picturing shutting a door in someone's face. While it's certainly rude, it's unlikely to cause any harm.

In most cases, intrusive thoughts involve some level of risk or danger. For example, they can be depressing, violent, or socially unacceptable. According to Berry, some people's intrusive thoughts may be sexual in nature, or they might imagine a harm coming to themselves or someone else.

One way Abrams suggests you can imagine negative outcomes includes envisioning a situation in which you trip and fall, accidentally drop a baby, fail at something, are isolated from friends on your birthday, or receive disturbing news from a loved one at an ungodly hour.

What steps can you take to eliminate unwanted and distressing thoughts that interrupt your mind?

Sleep

Berry states that lack of sleep impairs clear thinking. According to her, individuals who are tired are also more prone to irritability or a heightened sense of tension overall.

To improve your sleep habits, create a consistent routine by going to bed and waking up at the same time every day and getting enough rest, aiming for 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night.

They might tune out by watching TV, scrolling mindlessly on their phone, or listening to a dull podcast or music to block out their surroundings.

Progressive muscle relaxation

Start at your head or toes and tense each main muscle group for five seconds, moving along your body to the other end.

As you contract each muscle, breathe out and immediately release the muscle, holding the relaxed state for about 10 seconds. You can follow this process, starting with your toes, then moving up to your thighs, abs, fingers, shoulders, and finally, your eyes.

The goal is to calm your nervous system and relax your mind by methodically releasing physical tension, starting with one part of your body at a time.

Mindful breathing practices such as deep breathing, yoga, and meditation.

To practice better breathing, try inhaling slowly for a count of four, pausing for four seconds, and then exhaling for four seconds or even more time.

This breathing technique mimics the motion of a lion's breath, where you puff air in and out while protruding your tongue and making a long "haaa" sound.

Take a moment to meditate while taking a stroll in a peaceful natural setting, or make a list of things that you are thankful for.

Don't suppress your thoughts, be present and aware of them.

When it comes to thoughts, they're fundamentally different from actual physical objects," Abrams explains. "You can't physically get hurt by them.

The way you respond to them is really key, based on whether you're viewing their actions as positive, negative, acceptable, or not okay," she says. "When we label our thoughts as bad, we often try to suppress them, but that can make them linger and intensify your stress even more.

Abrams suggests practicing mindfulness to help you reconnect with what's truly important and find a sense of grounding. This will remind you of what is real and accessible.

Center yourself on your breath, body, and environment," Abrams advises. "With this focus, you'll transition your awareness from your thoughts to the here and now.

According to Abrams, "thought diffusion" involves not pushing away unwanted thoughts, but rather allowing them to pass through while also developing the ability to tolerate them - paradoxically, this can actually help reduce their occurrence.

Notice the thought and label it. When you have a thought you'd rather not have, say to yourself, “This is just a thought I'd rather wasn't bothering me,” to create some space between yourself and the thought.

The primary objective is to avoid focusing on changing the intrusive thought itself, or beating yourself up over having it.

Do I want to delve into this line of thinking further?
Is it a good time for some reflection, or should I be focused elsewhere and fully engaged with something I care about being here for?
Can I take my mind off things right now?
Would you sit still for 3 to 5 minutes, breathing deeply to see if things settle down?
Taking a break for a moment, I might close my eyes and imagine a serene scene somewhere, maybe spend a few minutes relaxing before returning to work, and then refocus on this task at hand.

Building up your ability to deal with distressing thoughts over time can help you learn to accept that having unwanted thoughts is a normal experience, and it's okay to not be okay.

Turn to healthy distraction

When you notice intrusive thoughts, try shifting your focus to something else. "Focusing on a task or thought that is enjoyable, such as playing a game on your phone, calling a friend, or flipping on the TV," can sometimes help shake off the unwanted thoughts, suggests Abrams.

Externalize your thoughts

Writing down your thoughts in a journal or notes app on your phone can create space between you and those thoughts, especially if you're not yet ready to discuss them.

"I frequently suggest that clients journal, save their thoughts in their note-taking app, or voice record throughout the day to briefly process their thoughts, and then we can review them together later," Abrams advises.

Exposure and response prevention

This approach, also known as exposure and response prevention, involves working with a therapist and is usually suggested for people dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder. "It assists individuals in coping with their relationship with uncertainty and control, enabling them to better manage their nervous system responses to unexpected thoughts," Abrams states.

The app enables you to control the triggers that lead to unwanted thoughts, compulsions, and obsessions.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a scientifically-proven approach that reveals how our thoughts and actions are connected, and how altering our thought patterns can, in turn, influence our reactions to various situations.

By engaging in CBT, you can reduce self-criticism. Shame, social isolation, and anxiety stemming from intrusive thoughts can be damaging. “This approach can teach you to practice non-judgment, encouraging you to stay curious about your thoughts rather than viewing them critically, and helping you remember that such experiences are common and can be explored within a supportive relationship with a mental health professional, thereby alleviating feelings of being alone.”

Be patient and kind to yourself as you work on mastering these techniques, as they require consistent practice over time.

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