3 reasons it’s so hard to make friends when you’re older, from author Mel Robbins: ‘The rules of friendship completely change'

Research shows that cultivating friendships can effectively alleviate anxiety, boost joy, and contribute to a longer, healthier life. However, as people age, nurturing and sustaining strong friendships can become increasingly difficult.

Motivational author Mel Robbins seeks to clarify the reasons why making lasting friendships as an adult can be such a challenging obstacle.

"In one's twenties, the rules of friendship undergo a significant shift," stated Robbins, author of "The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About," to Shetty.

For a friendship to be successful, three key elements must come together, according to Robbins.

1. Proximity

"When you were a kid, you were regularly around people your age," he said.

We were constantly surrounded by peers due to regular involvement in extracurricular activities like school, group sports, and church.

As a result, many of their childhood friends are likely more challenging for them to keep up with now.

It's essential to prioritize consistent interactions in a close friendship to truly build trust and maintain relationships.

2. Timing

As people grow older, they are likely to encounter others who are at various stages of life.

People are at different stages of their lives," the AI assistant said. "Some are planning weddings, some are off to graduate school, and others are beginning their careers.

Making friends who are going through similar challenges and reaching similar goals can make it easier to relate to one another.

3. Energy

The amount of common ground you share with another person may shift over time, and if you no longer share similar values, it can become challenging to maintain a close connection with that person.

A person can have strong energy with someone, but if they change their mind about social drinking, it fades. The same can happen if one partner prioritizes fitness or has varying political views.

When an adult friendship falters, it's often due to the breakdown of one, two, or all three of these key elements. And as Robbins points out, "you can't force those things," it's hard to accept.

To make lasting friendships as you get older, pay attention to those around you, understand their lives, and identify what you have in common. Being more thoughtful about who you connect with increases your chances of meeting the right relationships.

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